Adjusting to Preschool

You probably know that Eva started attending preschool this fall; maybe we told you about it, or you saw pictures we've posted. But it's likely that if you ever talk to Eva in person, on the phone, while skyping, etc., she will randomly tell you, several times, "Did you know, I go to school now!" (Insert her hands flapping in excitement, here.)

We ended up starting her at a Montessori school this fall for three half-days each week, after visiting and trying to find space for her at various preschools in our neighborhood. Overall, we feel happy with this choice for her and have seen her learning and growing a lot - she's expanding her knowledge, growing in pre-reading skills, making new friends, often excited to tell us about her day, has bonded with certain teachers, etc. But in addition to the great things about having this new experience and structure for our fall, starting preschool has also been hard. We've had difficult mornings getting her out the door, including one or two days when she really did not want to go to school. Early on we had one painful morning where both Eva and I cried when I left her at school; while I felt bad about that the whole day, Eva seemed to not even remember it by the time I picked her up, thankfully, and was excited to attend the next day (yes, that response and recovery from her was a big relief for me!)

From what I hear from other parents, the adjustment after starting your child in day care or preschool for the first time always brings some bumps in the road. I am trying to figure out during this new season what is normal, or fairly understandable adjustment stresses, for Eva and for us and what things we could maybe work to improve or change or pay attention to more carefully. As my mom always said, in my opinion the goal for young children attending a school is mainly to learn to love it and to love learning, not ingest a bunch of knowledge or be able to produce or excel. I also know a lot of the learning at three years old is social, and Eva is learning what it feels like to not have mom or dad there to interpret and present the world in a certain way. She is learning to follow directions with new accuracy, and per the Montessori system, is getting really good at putting away toys, rolling up her rug in a "happy" shape, and spouts new words, names of continents, letter sounds, and drawing skills all the time.

The hardest thing for me to assess at this stage is Eva's emotional health and how we could, or if we should, try to intentionally address how attending school has impacted that area of her life. My suspicion is that Eva is more sensitive than the average kid; she notices the tones, facial expressions, emotional reactions, language, and body language of her classmates and teachers with great detail, and they each can have a profound affect on her. She routinely reports hearing mad voices, or seeing sad kids, at school and is saddened by that from time to time. However, much of this is very normal for Eva and happens everywhere, including at church, with other friends, family members, with strangers, etc. For example, she sometimes thinks the check out lady at the grocery store is "mad" if she is in a hurry and doesn't smile directly at us; she often thinks that animals in a book illustration are sad if they have small eyes or straight mouth drawn. So I know my daughter enough to know that thinking people are mad or sad at school doesn't mean that they necessarily are. However, there may be (and probably are) various negative/neutral emotions at school that do impact Eva. Whether or not the people she is around feel a certain way or not, whatever feeling Eva interprets can stress her out and create some worry or other reactions in her. What to do here?  I know that this is part of life, part of growing up and entering a space outside of our home, and indeed is probably a healthy and needed part of seeing various feelings and reactions and learning alongside others how to cope with those. But seeing her reaction to emotions in her world creates one of those pulls for me as a mom. I feel a bit stuck and I wonder, do I jump in here? Do I protect? Do I watch and wait and pray? Do I do all of the above in various ways? I don't want to carefully craft every environment she is in or over-control social spaces just to spare her feelings, nor do I want her to be afraid or sad, or start to avoid school or lose her love of learning.

So as parents, I think Peter and I are learning this fall too - learning more about our girl and ourselves and how to parent and teach well. I went in and observed her classroom today and had SUCH a great time seeing her proud and obeying directions and showing off for her mom. :) She introduced me to her friends and the teachers emphatically and with arms flapping, "This is my MOM! Her name is LIZ!"  I teared up more than once as her obvious pride for me visiting shown through, as she marched and traced letters and sang songs, while looking over at me every thirty seconds with a smile and watching for my approval. Seeing her do all these things with ease that I didn't teach her, noticing the obvious fruits of being in this learning environment, she seemed both so old and yet so little and vulnerable to me today.

This parenting a little person thing is hard! She is only three and I already think all the time about how to guide her feelings, her relationships, her learning, her sense of being attached and safe and unconditionally supported. And when to not guide or craft, and when to choose to let her feel or fail or learn something hard, because that may be what she needs at times, too. I am still learning how to understand and discern what this little girl most needs from me and Peter - so btw, any great books or tactics you've heard of for this age group or dealing with these issues, please let me know. Taking the step of sending her to a well-run and safe school - even if people sometimes feel mad or sad there - has felt like a great choice for us this fall. But it's also hard some days, and so I am holding onto good mornings like today when I got to see my girl smile, dance, trace letters and sing. I am holding onto seeing her pride and pure love of learning in action. And I am feeling so blessed today that I got to enjoy her little self blossoming in this new environment, too. I suppose parents have to adjust to preschool, too. :)      

     

 

Bible Readings and Re-readings

Classic Eva expression, 3 1/2 yrs old

Eva's really into hearing stories from her picture Bible lately (thank you Mary Miller for the baptismal gift!) It's fascinating  to try to think about what theology a three-year old gets, needs or absorbs - but of course I do it anyway. She understands many things recently about God - God is strong, powerful, made everything, gets mad at bad kings and bad people, used good kings and Queen Esther to help other people, saved baby Moses, beat Goliath, and crashed down the walls at Jericho. These are her fave OT stories lately - and she seems to ingest the meat of the story and repeats kernels of their truth to me at random times, integrating story parts and cause and effect with surprising comprehension.

When it comes to the NT, she is not as into it yet - which makes sense to me, since there are less intriguing stories and more parables there that she just hears as slightly disjointed stories. :) She does talk about how Jesus can calm wind and waves, can heal people, helps the blind and lame, loves children, was baptized, was a baby that many people were excited to see be born, and told people to build their houses on rocks. She now asks if our home is on a rock, "Even though we can't see any rocks under my bed;" she will jump up and down in her bed and say "Yep, I feel a rock momma, we are on solid rock." So no metaphor comprehension yet. :)

She also has asked me to baptize her in the tub several times, likes to pretend she is baby Moses and baby Jesus, and is asking about praying for various worries, illnesses, and fears.

My favorite story of her appropriating scripture happened a couple nights ago, when we had just read - again - the story of Jesus healing the lame man whose friends lowered him down through the roof. She loves this one, and we sing a little song with it, and she knows the story almost word for word.  After we read this one she said, "Mom, my legs are lame, I ran too fast today; can you pray for them?"  So I prayed, smiling the whole time, holding her little knees - and as I prayed for God to protect my little girl's legs and health and strength, it struck me that she really probably thinks that this is what Jesus did - what he does now. If your legs are tired, broken, or hurt, you pray and then they are fixed. Faith like a child, right? :) I was reminded of the grace of simple faith and truth, and also realized that I could probably pray for my daughter's legs more often. Even as I grinned at her interpretation of "lame," I think she is getting the love and strength and life-changing power of this story. What good news we get to retell!      

Do You Know Your Continents?

One of my favorite things about Eva being in preschool is getting to notice that she knows things that I and Peter haven't taught her. As in, it is obvious now that there is another stream of knowledge feeding her little life in addition to whatever we, Sunday School and life throw her way. :)

Yesterday we were talking about her address, how we live on North Sawyer, and she got big eyes and said,"North, South, East, West, all around the world." It was obvious that hearing "North" had started her memory onto something else related, so I asked if that phrase was from a song or something that she had learned at school. And then she sang this song, crossed her eyes, and made me smile and laugh, really hard. :)

Fall - out of the city

I've realized that I miss "getting back to nature" in the fall. Although Chicago has definitely got it going on, it's during this season that I most miss Minnesota's towering trees and rolling fields, and Door County's cool lakes and beautiful rocks, and the beauty of leaves falling, stalks waving in the wind, bright sun on a crisp cool day - what autumn feels like out of the city.

We've found several ways to get outside this season, including feeding ducks and kicking up leaves at Gomper's Park, visiting Peterson Nature Center, and enjoying bike rides, walks, etc. in our neighborhood park. We've also had fun hanging out at our ward's Fall Festival (which was held on an 80 degree Saturday!), and heading out to get pumpkins, see animals, and take a wagon ride with Danielsons this weekend.

Maybe my favorite escape from the city happened a few weekends ago, on a crisp sunny fall day when we trekked out to Rockford's Rock Cut State Park for a hike, paddle boat ride, picnic lunch, and trip to the kid's museum in town. It reminded me of childhood locales we used to visit like Quarry Hill and Oxbow Park, and we had a wonderful day. Eva is a pretty good hiker too - especially when we meet dogs on the trails. :)

We are planning to head out there again this season... soon!