Adjusting to Preschool

You probably know that Eva started attending preschool this fall; maybe we told you about it, or you saw pictures we've posted. But it's likely that if you ever talk to Eva in person, on the phone, while skyping, etc., she will randomly tell you, several times, "Did you know, I go to school now!" (Insert her hands flapping in excitement, here.)

We ended up starting her at a Montessori school this fall for three half-days each week, after visiting and trying to find space for her at various preschools in our neighborhood. Overall, we feel happy with this choice for her and have seen her learning and growing a lot - she's expanding her knowledge, growing in pre-reading skills, making new friends, often excited to tell us about her day, has bonded with certain teachers, etc. But in addition to the great things about having this new experience and structure for our fall, starting preschool has also been hard. We've had difficult mornings getting her out the door, including one or two days when she really did not want to go to school. Early on we had one painful morning where both Eva and I cried when I left her at school; while I felt bad about that the whole day, Eva seemed to not even remember it by the time I picked her up, thankfully, and was excited to attend the next day (yes, that response and recovery from her was a big relief for me!)

From what I hear from other parents, the adjustment after starting your child in day care or preschool for the first time always brings some bumps in the road. I am trying to figure out during this new season what is normal, or fairly understandable adjustment stresses, for Eva and for us and what things we could maybe work to improve or change or pay attention to more carefully. As my mom always said, in my opinion the goal for young children attending a school is mainly to learn to love it and to love learning, not ingest a bunch of knowledge or be able to produce or excel. I also know a lot of the learning at three years old is social, and Eva is learning what it feels like to not have mom or dad there to interpret and present the world in a certain way. She is learning to follow directions with new accuracy, and per the Montessori system, is getting really good at putting away toys, rolling up her rug in a "happy" shape, and spouts new words, names of continents, letter sounds, and drawing skills all the time.

The hardest thing for me to assess at this stage is Eva's emotional health and how we could, or if we should, try to intentionally address how attending school has impacted that area of her life. My suspicion is that Eva is more sensitive than the average kid; she notices the tones, facial expressions, emotional reactions, language, and body language of her classmates and teachers with great detail, and they each can have a profound affect on her. She routinely reports hearing mad voices, or seeing sad kids, at school and is saddened by that from time to time. However, much of this is very normal for Eva and happens everywhere, including at church, with other friends, family members, with strangers, etc. For example, she sometimes thinks the check out lady at the grocery store is "mad" if she is in a hurry and doesn't smile directly at us; she often thinks that animals in a book illustration are sad if they have small eyes or straight mouth drawn. So I know my daughter enough to know that thinking people are mad or sad at school doesn't mean that they necessarily are. However, there may be (and probably are) various negative/neutral emotions at school that do impact Eva. Whether or not the people she is around feel a certain way or not, whatever feeling Eva interprets can stress her out and create some worry or other reactions in her. What to do here?  I know that this is part of life, part of growing up and entering a space outside of our home, and indeed is probably a healthy and needed part of seeing various feelings and reactions and learning alongside others how to cope with those. But seeing her reaction to emotions in her world creates one of those pulls for me as a mom. I feel a bit stuck and I wonder, do I jump in here? Do I protect? Do I watch and wait and pray? Do I do all of the above in various ways? I don't want to carefully craft every environment she is in or over-control social spaces just to spare her feelings, nor do I want her to be afraid or sad, or start to avoid school or lose her love of learning.

So as parents, I think Peter and I are learning this fall too - learning more about our girl and ourselves and how to parent and teach well. I went in and observed her classroom today and had SUCH a great time seeing her proud and obeying directions and showing off for her mom. :) She introduced me to her friends and the teachers emphatically and with arms flapping, "This is my MOM! Her name is LIZ!"  I teared up more than once as her obvious pride for me visiting shown through, as she marched and traced letters and sang songs, while looking over at me every thirty seconds with a smile and watching for my approval. Seeing her do all these things with ease that I didn't teach her, noticing the obvious fruits of being in this learning environment, she seemed both so old and yet so little and vulnerable to me today.

This parenting a little person thing is hard! She is only three and I already think all the time about how to guide her feelings, her relationships, her learning, her sense of being attached and safe and unconditionally supported. And when to not guide or craft, and when to choose to let her feel or fail or learn something hard, because that may be what she needs at times, too. I am still learning how to understand and discern what this little girl most needs from me and Peter - so btw, any great books or tactics you've heard of for this age group or dealing with these issues, please let me know. Taking the step of sending her to a well-run and safe school - even if people sometimes feel mad or sad there - has felt like a great choice for us this fall. But it's also hard some days, and so I am holding onto good mornings like today when I got to see my girl smile, dance, trace letters and sing. I am holding onto seeing her pride and pure love of learning in action. And I am feeling so blessed today that I got to enjoy her little self blossoming in this new environment, too. I suppose parents have to adjust to preschool, too. :)      

     

 

Intentional in 2010

One of my fundamental resolutions for this coming year is to be more intentional. This has long been a high value for our family, but (not very surprisingly) it's taken on an even deeper meaning lately now that we have a kiddo and I've been on the job hunt for awhile. The recent past has reminded us that we aren't in control of much, that many times you have to react and deal with what is given you, adapt, live into plan B, and wait.

But even in the middle of waiting, transition, and adapting, I want to receive and respond to life intentionally. This is hard for me to balance sometimes - both accepting what is the present, and pushing for more in the future. Both adapting to changes thrown at us and circumstances outside of our control, and also working to set up plans and boundaries and habits that will help shape how we deal with all those circumstances. Actively waiting. Patiently persevering. You get the drift here...

I want to feel more like I have a focus, purpose and meaning in each day - even if it's a day filled with playdough, scanning online for jobs, diapers and trying to catch up with email. I also want to feel like we are striving for being who we were created to be. Not someone else's version of life. But what God asks of me, of Peter, of Eva to be just in who we are. I don't know all the details of how to do that yet, but I am actively tryng to think, reflect, write, and live into that reality this coming year.    

I hope to be blogging more on my 'professional/life' blog as well as this family blog, which is at http://www.livingtheology.net/. I also hope to be more intentional about parenting, family life, and sharing/learning from others of you in this same space. If you have ideas on this concept or can link me to those who do - please let me know. And help me along this year if you see ways to be more intentional and active, right in the midst of the waiting, the business of life, and the everyday. It feels like a tall order to me!