This weekend also marks thirteen years of being married to my best friend, of being wedded to one of the best people on the planet, and to figuring out life's ups and downs, promises and struggles with someone else next to my every move. I was reminded this weekend, when we went on our simple but precious anniversary adults-only dinner and evening walk, that my everyday, ordinary, thirteen years with this man have been pretty amazing. Sometimes in this stage (let's call it mid-thirties), I have looked around and been frustrated with where I am, have felt behind or off track or, say, pregnant and under-employed (theoretically, of course.) :) Sometimes I have heard people talk about promotions or plans or pursuits and wondered, did we miss something? Those people "over there" seem to have "that stuff" figured out, and I wonder, do we? We still rent, we parent well but often with questions, we only sometimes get healthy food on the table, we usually don't vacuum every week, we forget laundry in the dryer, and I don't always get out birthday cards. We still talk about our dreams and have good friendships and deep conversations about the big stuff, but we also grieve, we are tired more than we used to be, and we can forget to ask for help. I can compare myself to a whole range of folks who seem to get various different categories down better then I do, or who seem more grown up or together or ahead in some way. All this means that I sometimes forget where I am, and what I already have.
One certainty that I am feeling more strongly about the older I get, even with the questions that remain (and yes they do), is that Peter and I - we are really good at being, us. In the same way, I am really good at being just me, but I still suck at trying to be a lot of other people. And even though when I was eighteen years old, when I started college and met this blond guy in black jeans in the biology labs of North Park, I would have confidently told you that I KNEW who I was and would never get stuck aiming to be someone else - that is still something I have to remind myself of now, here in my thirties. :) Somehow that blond guy has been a constant in every sense of the word since those freshman days - alongside and around me, ahead of and for me - helping me be me, helping make us an "us," this entity that is true and solid and rooted and thoughtful and so much more than we were before on our own, even as we are still independent and distinct within our "us."
So - here is to celebrating who we are, who we've been and the everyday stuff that we ARE good at being. Here is a reminder (to me), that even on days that I don't know what I am doing, I can still just try to be me, and still learn, and I still have an amazing partner next to me to do that with. Here is to the stuff that makes us, US, and that I am so proud of, so blessed by, so grateful to have in our lives. And here is to a man, husband, daddy, provider, thinker, nurturer, lover, protector, striver, believer, risk-taker, learner, friend - my favorite - who I know is a gift from God in my life, in this rich and amazing and sometimes confusing life that I get to have.
Celebrating Us:
- dancing in the kitchen and laughing, a lot
- conversations about everything, news updates, changing the world
- safe spaces for questions and others in pain
- tickling Eva in the mornings and cuddling every evening
- books and hot drinks and quiet shared next to each other
- bike rides and beach trips and camping and cabin trips
- museums and exploring and downtown adventures and travels
- adventures and risks and trying things out
- gardens, nature center, oceans and lakes, sunsets and beauty
- love letters, reading cards in the aisle, long emails, hidden notes
- family and friends, inherited stories and changed futures
- small groups, dinner dates, homemade drinks, West Wing
- justice dinners and gathering people, real and casual connections
- walking home for lunch, checking the doors for me, getting up with Eva at night
- parenting and discussing and wondering and learning
- grading tests and writing papers, deadlines and trading sleep
- road trips and conversations with mix cds and holding hands
- wrapping up and soft eyes and strong hands and long nights
- resolving fights and apologies and growing and changing
- making pancakes and sharing coffee, cooking and taking out the recyling
- worshiping and praying, wondering and challenging
- Eva on our shoulders, parks and gelato
- Italian food, African culture, the symphony, bowling
- healing wounds, being cracked, phone calls with friends, grief and loss
- lists and goals, ideas and movement, hope and growing deeper
- Chicago, Minneapolis, Michigan, Minnesota
- volunteering and helping, pitching in and focusing on the other
- authentic trust, deep abiding love, tender-hearted empathy and support
- Eva sandwich, running together, "hatching eggs" in the morning
- strength in grace, solid and honest listening, "what kind of people do we want to be?"
