Quoteables

"Baby you're a FIIIIIRE-Work, come on show them WHAAAAT you're worth...."  - Eva in the morning, from her bed, every morning when she wakes up


"What do you want to do when you grow up?" - Mom
"I want to be a ballet teacher, a mermaid, and a pastor!" - Eva

Three-Year Old Theology: Re-Mastering Basics

Eva continues to have some serious interest in talking through Bible stories and theological concepts with me, much to my delight. :) Her recent questions involve understanding what Christmas is all about, and why Jesus was born a baby and then later on died, and where Jesus went when he went back into heaven after His resurrection. I can never tell exactly how much she is understanding, but at random times she will ask me a specific question about a detail that surprises me with what she must be digesting from our conversations. It is fascinating to watch her little mind connect the dots, and I realize that because of her I am being pushed to both simplify and deepen my own theology when explaining these eternal concepts to her.

I've recently decided that three-year old theology just might be a favorite topic of mine! It makes enough sense at this age to include details, names, places, and to string together the main pieces of the OT narratives with the NT life of Jesus into one big story that talks about God. But it still has to stay simple, be woven together, and stay focused on the main point. And I keep being amazed that Eva basically asks all of the same questions about faith and God that most adults do, just without any pretense, baggage or cleaned-up words. She just wonders aloud about the usual suspects when it comes to faith - like why Jesus died, why she can't see Him now, why kings in the OT were bad, why God got mad at people in that city, how God made oceans, why there are more church then just hers, what pastors do, and how Jesus is God and also was a baby. It's basically her mind trying to wrap around the key concepts of trust, prayer, faith, the trinity, theodicy, sin, the church, death and the resurrection. Which we as adults are all still trying to wrap our minds around most days, I think.

But much deeper than having fun telling her the stories, and more important than smiling when she wants to pretend she is baby Moses in the river, I am keenly aware that telling her about Jesus needs to be backed up with actions and experience. Maybe it is the Pietist in me, but I already know that Eva doesn't need to memorize the Sunday School answers or recite back names and dates. She doesn't even need to just be able to explain how Jesus died and rose again at Easter, key as that knowledge is. I want her to be amazed by it all, to feel the potency of a God who was born under a bright star as a baby and loves her, HER. I want her to know that she can talk to God any time, ask questions about her faith, and to see connections between her everyday world and the stories about faith. I want her to feel loved and comfortable in church, knowing she is welcome and treasured and that God meets her there. I want her to feel safe and valued by this big strong God, and also recognize the mystery and majesty of this one true and Great King. I want her to see her dad and me pray, ask for forgiveness, handle relationships with patience and grace, work through
discipline and relationships and life with the joy of the Lord and the strength that the Bible promises.

And here is where I am challenged and so encouraged by three-year old theology. I know that this theology needs to be consistent, focused on the main things, and not just a head game. I know that she is watching and soaking up life every minute, and that I don't always actually practice a relationship with God or to the world like I tell her about. And in a unique way, I am more driven to re-master the basics of my faith because of this new young audience member, more driven than I have ever been to write a brilliant paper or to appear to have leadership and maturity for my professional or personal life. This is my daughter's story of faith that is being written. Thankfully it is not all up to me to be perfect, to know it all, or even to shape her faith. It is up to me to remember these basics, to have help along the way from others, to model and practice the ups and downs of the life of faith and let her learn from and with me, and to try to access that childlike faith and joy that I see in her eyes when we read the stories. What a gift that the same God that I've known for thirty years is reminding me, through this sweet little girl and her wide-eyed interest, that it is really still about the same stuff it has always been. I can rest and also give over much of the other stuff, in my own faith and in my mothering, I have realized. Unless its the basic practices and connection to the story of Jesus that I want to make sure Eva sees acted out and explained, unless its really the big stuff, the most basic stuff really, I can let go of the clutter.  


Peter and I watched the enigmatic movie, "Tree of Life," tonight. It is an unusual movie in many ways, and the pacing and plot are very, well, un-plot like and different than a usual Hollywood production. But its a deeply theological story that opens with a quote from Job ("Where were you when I created the heavens and the earth?"), and that threads whispers from characters asking questions of God throughout the movie. It artistically opens up categories like the meaning of life, suffering, control, faith, goodness, beauty, nature, grace, love, family, brotherhood, marriage, and childhood in very unique ways. I enjoyed a lot of it, and it got me thinking; Tree of Life, in its own way, is trying to answer these same, three-rear old theological realities that are so hard to grasp. Why does God seem to let bad things happen? Are we in control of our lives, or is God? Are we rewarded for being fair, just, and hard-working, or is life capricious? Do goodness and love and grace really win out in the end? Why do we do what we don't want to do? Are we alone, does God listen to us for real - and how do we know? How do we get back to the innocence of childhood? How do our families and their implied patterns and explicit tensions shape our lives? How do we recover from grief, pain and loss?

At one point in the movie near the end, a central child character realizes that the anger and frustration that he's been struggling with has lifted. He apologizes to his brother who he hurt, he comforts another sibling, makes overtures toward his stern father, and somehow the cloud is lifted. The voice-over at this point is poignant; his childlike voice says, "I didn't know how to name You then. But I see it was You. Always. You were calling me."

I could have said that exact same thing about my understanding of God at five years old, and at fifteen, and again when I was twenty-five. And next year, when I turn thirty-five, I can still testify that I continue to circle through this reality of not always recognizing where God is, and wondering if I am heard, if I am seen, if I am enough - and then it comes to me. I find the words, it becomes clear - the truth of God always being with me, and always calling me, becomes real and experienced in my own story once again.      

Bible Readings and Re-readings

Classic Eva expression, 3 1/2 yrs old

Eva's really into hearing stories from her picture Bible lately (thank you Mary Miller for the baptismal gift!) It's fascinating  to try to think about what theology a three-year old gets, needs or absorbs - but of course I do it anyway. She understands many things recently about God - God is strong, powerful, made everything, gets mad at bad kings and bad people, used good kings and Queen Esther to help other people, saved baby Moses, beat Goliath, and crashed down the walls at Jericho. These are her fave OT stories lately - and she seems to ingest the meat of the story and repeats kernels of their truth to me at random times, integrating story parts and cause and effect with surprising comprehension.

When it comes to the NT, she is not as into it yet - which makes sense to me, since there are less intriguing stories and more parables there that she just hears as slightly disjointed stories. :) She does talk about how Jesus can calm wind and waves, can heal people, helps the blind and lame, loves children, was baptized, was a baby that many people were excited to see be born, and told people to build their houses on rocks. She now asks if our home is on a rock, "Even though we can't see any rocks under my bed;" she will jump up and down in her bed and say "Yep, I feel a rock momma, we are on solid rock." So no metaphor comprehension yet. :)

She also has asked me to baptize her in the tub several times, likes to pretend she is baby Moses and baby Jesus, and is asking about praying for various worries, illnesses, and fears.

My favorite story of her appropriating scripture happened a couple nights ago, when we had just read - again - the story of Jesus healing the lame man whose friends lowered him down through the roof. She loves this one, and we sing a little song with it, and she knows the story almost word for word.  After we read this one she said, "Mom, my legs are lame, I ran too fast today; can you pray for them?"  So I prayed, smiling the whole time, holding her little knees - and as I prayed for God to protect my little girl's legs and health and strength, it struck me that she really probably thinks that this is what Jesus did - what he does now. If your legs are tired, broken, or hurt, you pray and then they are fixed. Faith like a child, right? :) I was reminded of the grace of simple faith and truth, and also realized that I could probably pray for my daughter's legs more often. Even as I grinned at her interpretation of "lame," I think she is getting the love and strength and life-changing power of this story. What good news we get to retell!      

40 Years of Faith, Family and Friends

Another big event this summer was celebrating my parent's 40th Anniversary. We did some celebrating with the whole family out in Seattle, and then Peter and I helped host an open house in Rochester with lots of old and new friends in attendance. It all came together great and was a blast!

It was very cool to see people from my childhood gather and share in the celebration of the values my parents have always worked to embody. I was reminded of those things that most define them, as I thought about what it meant for my parents to reach this forty year milestone. My mom and dad are not perfect - of course no family is - but from the start of their relationship, they centered their relationship on faith, family and friendships. FAITH: They were part of underground Bible studies in college, were fresh-faced evangelists to friends and family members, and knew they were called to be in ministry in the church and to love and serve others. From the beginning, they anchored their relationship and our family's foundation to God and to a local church. That is a big reason that today, I still consider many Salem Rd folks like my extended family; they've known me longer and better then anyone else, and they have always been there and stepped into my life and my story.  FAMILY: Even before they were married, they knew they wanted two kids, and they had names picked out for a girl (Elizabeth Margaret) and a boy (Timothy David).  It is funny to me, now after becoming a parent and naming our firstborn, to think back to when my parents were this age, to realize that they once had kids at this age and that they gave me and my brother our names and the start to our stories. Sometimes I forget that they were at this stage too, that they weren't always "adult parents of adult children." FRIENDS:  From as far back as I can remember, we had people in our house and went to visit and eat with friends at their houses. My parents worked to be hospitable, generous, and welcoming friends, and I remember often heading home from church with a new family who visited following us for a beef roast meal, or dropping off homemade jam/crisp/bread to someone during the week. Even without a lot of financial cushion, my parents valued helping and giving to those with less, which I think has always stuck with me as part of how we live like Christ and love our friends and neighbors. 

Celebrating with my mom and dad on that humid summer day in Minnesota, I felt so much gratitude. I felt the sweetness of remembering the good and the faithful things that my parents and their community had done so well for forty years. I felt the joy of watching children and grandchildren grow and move forward, of the generational movement that my mom and dad have helped advance. And I felt the peace that comes whenever I acknowledge that God is always good, and working for good, in those who love Him and follow Him; and whether it is forty years, or forty minutes, we each have the opportunity to keep learning and relearning how to follow, and love, and be loved by, such a good and gracious God. What a gift! What a thing to celebrate! So thanks mom and dad for giving me so much good in my story.  Thanks be to God.   

Three-Year-Old Theology... Easter

Eva has been more and more aware of faith and theological concepts lately. It fascinates me to hear what things stick out to her from stories or conversations we have, and what logical connections her little brain makes. It is also interesting to me how challenging it can be to describe to her the sometimes elusive concepts that describe having a relationship in an all-knowing, all-powerful, creator of all; a non-corporeal God, who then was a person for awhile and taught a lot of things and loved a lot of people and made a lot of people mad, but then died, then was alive again, and now is back in heaven and you can't see Him, but we can talk to him, listen to him, and thank him for things. It IS just a little confusing, right? 

I also laugh at myself at the temptation to both under and over-explain faith concepts to her. Sometimes I give a one sentence "Jesus loves you," rainbows and butterflies, kind of answer, and I swear she kind of looks at me with an expression that says, give me a little more to work with here mom. Other times, I try to connect all the big concepts we've talked about and get all excited about how profound and amazing something is, and she pulls me back to earth with the one detail that she cared about in my long rant and the way she heard it. A friend gave us this super cute kid devo book this week and I was loving the reflection for the day and all she would talk about was the baby bird in the picture. :) Oh well. It is a good reminder that she is experiential right now, connecting the dots to her feelings and her world. I am always surprised actually when she asks a specifically theological question, since I mostly leave it up to her to probe or go deeper. I figure our job right now is to immerse her in relationships and ways of life that will be explained logically when she is older...

But I think I am getting closer and closer to perceiving what level she understands and responding to what she is actually putting together, which is really kind of fun. We have conversations about a lot of topics lately, where she explains things and connects the dots for me, and its both hilarious and touching to hear how her brain reasons. Whether its her idea of what clothes should match, or where dad might be when he's at work, to why things are scary or not - her little brain is definitely thinking. 

Last night we were reading an Easter storybook that she always asks me to read her for bedtime. The book does an okay job of explaining to its characters - a family with three kids - how the Easter bunny/eggs, springtime, new life and Jesus are all related to Eastertime. I always read it a little differently then the author intended, however, and add a bunch of details around why Jesus was buried in a tomb with a big rock and then how he could be alive, and try to get across both how big of a deal dying was, and how big of a deal being alive again was. Lately she is wrestling with figuring out who God and Jesus are (as in both the same and different, we mostly stick to same), and wondering about where God is physically. And she's also been interested in connecting the creation story and Noah's animals to the idea that God made everything. During the story, she asked me about a dozen questions about the tomb, the stone, how God who was so strong and made everything could die, how God who was so strong was alive again, etc. 

Then she paused and said, "I just miss Jesus... I am tired of him being in that faraway country, you know heaven?" I kind of melted, and asked her where she thought that was. She said it was too far away, and also "upstairs, maybe with our neighbors?"  :) 

I was thinking, yeah, its hard for most adults to not see him too... I get it. I've tried the whole "Jesus is with each of us" a couple different ways as an explanation, but she doesn't go for that one yet. I asked if she talked to Jesus when she missed him, and she said yeah, but she was still sad he was gone. I said Jesus is with us whenever we ask Him to be, and told her that we pray so that we can talk to Jesus and listen to Him too. She asked where Jesus'  mom and dad were, if they missed him back in Bethlehem, or where they were. And she wondered if they were sad when he was behind the rock. Then she looked at me really seriously and said something roughly like, "Well, our house is really strong, 'cause God made it, and my books won't fall over, cause God made them strong too, but I think that God was really, really, really strong to get out and come from behind that rock!"

So - big creator God, overcomes big scary death, made all she has cause He is big and strong, and keeps her and her treasures safe, but is sometimes too far away to see or sense, and she wants to see Him more, so she misses Him. That is not a bad paraphrase of the message of Easter, actually. It is really fascinating what makes sense in a three-year-old's head, and what it helps me think about along the way!   

Two Year Old Theology ?

The other night, as I was snuggling and rocking Eva to sleep just before bedtime, she heard the word "heaven" in the first song on her lullabye CD (Be Thou My Vision.) She sat up and we had the following conversation:

Eva: Mom, where is heaven again?
Me: It's up in the sky kind of, it's a beautiful place where God is, remember?
Eva: Mom, God is in heaven, but isn't God with me too?
Me: Yes, God is in heaven and God is kind of everywhere too - He is with us now, and whenever we pray and talk to God He's there too - he is all around.
Eva: But mom, I don't think God is here now.
Me: Why babe?
Eva: (pointing) He isn't on my dresser; he isn't by my curtain; he isn't in my bed with me. Where IS HE?
Me: (smiling) I know its hard to not be able to see God, but remember when Jesus was born as a baby, in our Christmas stories, that was when God lived with us and was friends with children and sick people and good and mean people. Jesus was friends with everyone, so we would know that God wants to be everyone's friend.
Eva: Where did he go after Christmas?
Me: (hesitating a bit) Well, he grew up, and did lots of cool stuff, and then he died honey, but then God made him well again and took him up to heaven, and so now we pray to God and his Son Jesus and -
Eva: (cutting me off and putting her head down on my chest to go to sleep) I still can't see him here mom. Will he come here tomorrow?

I couldn't help but thinking that she was asking the same questions we grown ups struggle with. Adults of all ages have trouble with not being able to see God and know for sure if He is with us. I wonder how understanding things like the trinity, heaven, prayer, faith, and belief in an eternal and transcendent God must sound to a two year old... I kind of love the whole concept that our little girl is wondering about all this stuff.

Christmas 2010!

We just had the last of our houseguests for the holiday season leave today... and we are ready to rest, catch up on normal life, and jump into 2011. But - we have had such a great time seeing family and friends this season, and have a lot of fun photos and memories from it all that I want to remember to capture.

This Christmas, Eva was 2 (and 3/4) and was interested in being part of much of it with us. She loved singing (Jingle Bells, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, Frosty, Silent Night, and Feliz Navidad, were favorites), and asked me about the other songs that she didn't know yet; "Mommy, what this is about?"  She made Christmas cookies and her own mini cupcakes from a new baking set, got hand made aprons and books and Christmas decorations/ornaments all her own this year, and helped us decorate the tree - until she got bored :). She liked the movie "Small One" - about the donkey Mary rode, and "Lady and the Tramp" (the story starts with Lady being a puppy present under the tree, and ends with the whole dog family at Christmas under the tree), and sometimes liked "Frosty II" (but not the Jack Frost character). She was even interested in the Christmas story bedtime books and hearing about how Christmas is when we celebrate Jesus' birthday (and yes, she's already heard her mom tell her that Dec.25 is not really Jesus' birthday, but that we remember it then.) She also loved the various nativity sets we have around the house and that she could hold baby Jesus and arrange the animals that are part of the least fragile set.    

A few other favorite and funny Christmas-season memories:
- Eva being part of Santa Lucia at church with Leah, and stealing the show with their singing, asking for candy, and dueling candle routine.
- Eva helping light the advent candles on Christmas Eve in MI - and wanting to dance up front to the hymns and so ultimately having to leave the service :). "I Want To DANCCEEE!!!"
- Faithfully opening her advent calendar of fair trade chocolate with me every morning, and loving the sweet treat AND learning more of her numbers.
- Looking for inflated Santas and other yard decorations as we drove around our neighborhood; having her tell me which ones are fragile
- Eva rubbing  a present to her face before she opened it and cooing, "I just LOVE this," but then not really enjoying opening presents all that much.
- We made Swedish Meatballs from scratch this yr successfully, using mom's recipe, and they were fabulous!

- Playing with Bex and Lucy
- Hearing her snore while putting Josh to bed in the loft
- Eva sledding for the first time with Alicia, Dave, Josh and me
- Watching Eva ice skate with Tim, Meghan and Peter
- Decorating our new apartment for Christmas
- Building our first family snowman in the first fluffy snow of the winter, and how much she talked about it after that - even when it had melted
- Zoo Lights with Izey and Ando and the excitement of playing with their family on New Yrs Eve
- New Yrs party for the adults with the perfect mix of par-tay and chill!
- Having her look out over our dinner table when extended family were here and saying, "All my friends are here!" And how she whispered to Bo when they arrived, "I am so happy you are here!" 
- Sleepovers with Kaden and Anna on their way out and back from Seattle.
- Talking about the story of Christmas with her - I think her version is about this: "Baby Jesus used to be in Mary's tummy, and Mary rode a donkey, and wise men rode camels, but then he was born, and he didn't have any hair, but he was just a little baby, and he cried, and then he grew up to be big, and now he loves everyone."  Amen!

There is so much to be grateful for during this season, and beyond - and having a little mind and heart help us experience the joy, wonder, and story of Christmas makes it such a precious and fun time. Yeah for family and friends and holidays from work!

FYI, pictures for family in MI with VerHages and in Chicago with Mosbos are now on smugmug. And below is a little video of her preparing Christmas cards for people this year right before it all began. :)   Happy 2011!  

A Day in the Woods at Camp (with Jesus)

Our family had a short trip up to WI for a pastor/spouse retreat, and P and I decided to bring Eva with us. We enjoyed the bright fall leaves, the cool winds creating crunchy forest noises, seeing the lake during the day and learning about paths at night, and the full moon and sparkling stars that were out. Eva loved playing with a little girl almost exactly her age (Ela), along with some other kids at the retreat, Ela's grandparents and our friend Hannah (who all graciously helped out from time to time with child care.)

After our whirlwind visit to this new place, complete with the kindness of new friends, exploring new buildings and toys, and walking around with mom and dad amidst north-woods beauty, I told Eva that people come to this camp because we all are part of the same big church, we all love Jesus, and at camp we all learn more about God and make friends. She looked at me, seemed to think about it, and asked again, "All from the same church? All the people know Jesus?"  I answered yes, and we kept on walking. 

That night, and then last night, Eva wanted me to sing her "Jesus Loves Me" at night - which I didn't think much of, even though it is a new song for the bedtime rotation. And now since getting back home, her mealtime prayer has changed from the regular, "Dear God, thank you for food, A-Men!" It has now been replaced with, "Dear God, Jesus loves me, Amen."   I think maybe camp has already started to have its affect of helping my girl meet people who know God and love Jesus - and feel that love in return.  :) And I am feeling grateful.  

Fun-Filled Weekend & First Children's Sermon

We just got back from a fun-packed weekend in the country. We visited Peter's parents in rural-ish Michigan, and we managed to fit in a whole lot of fun for our city girl: horseback riding, swimming in a backyard pool, playing with two new friends her age, playing with a dog and cat, sitting on a real live motorcycle and then watching it drive away, picking fresh veggies and berries from the garden, playing in the brook, exploring a kiddie tree house, going to a family fair that included cotton candy/a bouncey castle/face painting/ice cream, and lots of just everyday normal fun stuff too. :) Thanks Nama and Napa - our toddler (and we adults) had a great time!

At the end of our weekend we went to church, where Eva was excited to go to the nursery and then promptly met another girl maybe a year or two older then her to play with. Partway through the service, Eva, the other little girl, and three school-aged kids all came out to join the congregation for the children's sermon. The kids sat dutifully in a row up on the front carpeted step while Pastor John began his illustration. Eva was right in the middle of the five kids, watching him intently, and quietly - at first.

Now I should mention that this was Eva's first children's sermon, because at our church (and the others we've visited thus far), the toddlers don't participate in the kiddo message, just the older kids already in the service take part and then head to children's church or something. So just remember, she was by far the youngest kid up there, and would normally be watching aquarium frogs or coloring in the confines of a nicely staffed nursery. Just saying.

So, anyway, Pastor John pulled out a pair of binoculars from a bag and asked one of the taller boys up on the step to try looking through them. He asked, "Can you see anything?" and the boy said "No, it's dark." Then Pastor John took the binoculars to each kid, giving him/her a turn to peer through the lenses and asked, "Can you see anything?" Eva was not exactly patient, but got her turn to look, and then put her hands out at her side when quizzically saying, "I can't see?" The rest of the room was softly chuckling here a bit, I think because she was so expressive in her disappointment, and also pretty loud. I was thinking to myself, aww, she is cute, look at her waiting for her turn...

Then, one of the older kids figured out that the pastor had not taken the small plastic covers off of the binocular lenses, and that was why none of them could see. So Pastor John held the binoculars up again to the eyes of the older kid - who then said, "Yeah, I can see now!" Then Eva, who was next to the older kid, kind of elbowed the kid and said directly to the pastor,"I want to see, MY TURN!" (Even louder.) So the room chuckled a little again, and the pastor obliged, holding the binoculars down to her short little frame in front of her eyes, at which point she exclaimed: "I CAN SEE!!! I CAN SEEEE!! I CAN SEEEEEEEE!!!" This was accompanied by ecstatic running on the stage, grabbing other kids arms, and then running off the stage to hug grandma sitting in the front row. Insert wild congregatinal laughter, surprise and a big grin from the pastor looking in our direction, and tears streaming down my face as I giggled.

Pastor John continued his faithful message about needing to see in order to understand God and the Gospel, and made some comment about how this was an eventful children's sermon, and at least it wasn't about healing the blind man... insert small congregational chuckle again. Eva calmed down enough to pray along with the other kids and the pastor as the children's time ended, and then bounded down the stairs when they were dismissed, chasing the other little girl saying "Let's go play, friends!" - again, pretty loudly. Now I was thinking, wow, she kind of stole the show there, just by being herself. :) My little girl.

While the whole church service was a very thoughtful and well-planned out time to gather and praise and connect with Peter's home church body, I will mostly remember Eva's unbridled exuberance and wonder at being able to see. And - the welcoming church family and pastor that loved her reaction to the discovery of sight as much as I did. (Apparently, Eva also made it into Pastor John's top five children's sermon experiences too; Peter and I had a bit of a conversation after the service, including having him ask which one of our DNA influence had run around on that stage that morning.)

Not a bad close to our weekend, not bad at all. :) Pictures to come...