My first list that I just posted was very cathartic to write out - things as a mom I would go back and tell myself. It's been interesting hearing everyone else's thoughts on the topic too. I have another list that has been in my head, though this list took longer to develop. I think that is because it took me longer to recover/remember certain aspects of this pre-mommy self of mine, and now that I am listening to her a bit more, it's very helpful to hold both of these lists together in my head. Here it is:
Things My Pre-Mommy Self Hopes to Remember to Tell My 'Self' Now:
- You still need to make time to have fun.
- You still need to make time to enjoy 'alone time' with Peter.
- You still need to make time to shower (let's just start with the basics.)
- It is still a good idea to go out late at night, dance, do karaoke, meet friends, etc. now that you have a kid (aka, using the power of babysitters.)
- Use babysitters more then you think you should/can afford to; it is worth it.
- Keep working out regularly; it is harder if you take a break to get going again.
- You can still listen to adult music with your kid in the car; she will probably even like it.
- You are still going to be a night person, even if your kid is not.
- You are still going to like to drive fast, sing loud, laugh a lot, and get deep with people; do these things often, especially when you're worn out from the mommyhood stuff.
- Keep making lists and plan out your time/day as much as possible. It will help save your sanity. Sadly, your memory is going to get worse, so roll with it - and write down stuff even more!
- Find fun moms to learn from/hang with; don't feel bad for not hanging with moms you don't gel with.
- Remember how you saw yourself before you had a kid - strong, together, fun-loving, change-seeking... you still are all those things, and more.
- Go get a pedicure - now!
- Also go get a martini/drink with some friends - now!
- Don't wear ridiculously ugly but comfortable clothes in the name of 'being a mom.' Just don't.
- Don't ever be tempted to leave your intellect, leadership, humor or call to ministry at the door of mommyhood; even if other people seem to act like those aspects of you have withered and died just because you gave birth to another human being, tough it out and prove them wrong. Because they
are wrong.
- Call your favorite girlfriends more, to talk about everything or nothing... Call them right now, actually.
- Get yourself back in the game in places that feel harder to be in as a mom... whether its job hunting, or traveling, or school work, you should still do those things that you did before. You might have to plan them out differently, but still do them!
- Save your cute shoes that don't fit sometimes due to pregnancy/swelling - you will be able to (and will want to) wear them later.
- Explore outside, take trips, haul your kid to the lake/museum/jazz club sometimes even if it takes more work. That is what you've always done!
- Go easy on yourself, ask for help when you need it, and take each day full of the good and bad as it is.
- Be creative - whatever is life-giving, whatever is balancing for you and P and E, try it out, change things up, and be patient while you figure out what works for everyone. Balancing needs and wants for two adults and one kid is hard work - but you can do it.
- Banish guilty feelings that crop up when you consider doing any of the following: going out, having fun, getting coffee by yourself, doing most anything by yourself, spending money on good underwear, leaving your child with a sitter, working part time, working full time, staying home, bringing your child with to things, not bringing your child with to things, letting her watch tv, turning off the tv.... you get the idea. Just work to ignore those voices from everywhere telling you how to be a mom; choose the few that matter and be your own kind of mom.
- Your kid is really cute! And she's happy, loves you/P, and is growing in all the important ways. So remember to relax and enjoy the mom thing, bumps and all, while you're in the midst of it all. You're doing great just by being you.
